Dear Activists:
An unnamed Bush administration figure told me earlier today that when the president's entourage left for their five-day, fence mending trip to Europe that Air Force One contained an estimated 2,000 lbs. of Freedom Fries in the axillary cargo hold.

The Secret Service believes the act was a prank by Howard Dean, who was recently elected the Democratic National Party chair.

Secret Service representatives were uncertain how Dean managed to stow away nearly a ton of Freedom Fries, a dish known to be best served cold, yet they were equally perplexed last week to find out that a reported male prostitute, going by the false name of Jeff Gannon, made his way into the White House press room representing a Republican front media group, TalonNews.com.

Apparently, there was a note attached to the surreptitious cargo:

Bush Lies and Freedom Fries
Pushed the "Go to War" Button in Front of Our Eyes
Over 100,000 Innocent Iraqis Have Now Died...
This is the Price of Republican Lies

Americans may not remember that Neal Rowland, owner of Cubbie's greasy spoon in backwater Beaufort, North Carolina, made headlines nearly two years ago, Feb. 19, 2003, by renaming his fried potato strips "Freedom Fries."

Shortly after Rowland's bold move against the French people, Republicans in the United States Congress dittoed the effort. Led by Chairman of the House Administration Committee, Bob Ney, (R-Ohio), the chicken hawks ordered House cafeterias to rename "French Fries" to "Freedom Fries" in a display of congressional immaturity at the French attempt to seek a diplomatic resolution to the pending Bush war against the people of Iraq.

Representative Curt Weldon, (R-PA), opined a letter to the French and German ambassadors in Washington stating that Americans and Congress "will not soon forget the rank hypocrisy and blatant disloyalty displayed by your country today."

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, (R-TX), added to the assault, "France and Germany are losing credibility by the day, and they are losing, I think, status in the world. They are walking a fine line that is very dangerous."

The controversy arose as France continued its efforts to press the United Nations to give weapons inspectors more time in Iraq, saying the U.S. and British-led rush to war over allegations of WMDs in the hands of Saddam Hussein was premature.

Delay added that Republicans across the nation were demanding "French Toast" be known hence forth as "Freedom Toast." Other Republican lawmakers took heroic action by dumping fine French wines down gutters in the street. They pledged to only drink "40s" until the French were brought to their weak, and multicultural, knees.

This, my friends, is why Bush is on his way today to kiss "Freedom Ass" in Paris, as he begs the Europeans to give us a hand in the quagmire we now call Iraq...

ACTION NOTE: In recognition of this visionary partisan effort, give your Republican friends and family members at least two cold Freedom Fries this week.